Ever feel like the bad guy??

Do you ever have that feeling like your always the bad guy.? No matter what you do, youll always be the bad guy.? Yea well that's me. The one and only bad guy out there. It seems like nothing I do is right. Nothing I do is good enough. Still on house lockdown until online school is complete. I have no idea what to do anymore. I dont even have a life outside of school, never have. I go to school come home and do more school. And it's alot of stress and hardwork and I'm not doing it because IIIIII want to I'm doing it because/for my parents wanting me too. Seems like I'm constantly fighting with someone and being downgraded all the time. even if I did nothing. Downgraded and fought for a while now and it's crushing my heart every time. Between everything I wouldn't know if my hearts even there anymore because it's been broken into many pieces, unsure if it's able to be put back together. Three people I know and another friend are no longer friends with eachother because of me. Or atleast not talking to the other because of me. The three people were rude and inconsiderate when it came to my friend and I religion and I opened my mouth and said something and it all went up into flames from there even though I shouldnt feel ashamed about my religion and by no means I am NOT ASHAMED I will stand up for my God and my Savior and my Lord 24 hours a day 7 days a week but I feel awful for me opening my mouth tearing four friends since elementary school apart. Maybe its for the better though who knows. God does. Idk, havent been myself lately and I dont know why. Just want to be left alone really, things are hard and talking to people about it seems to make it worse because no one understands what it feels like to be me and everything. I dont know I dont think it matters anymore. I was alone for along time and got use to it, I was never hurt then. I could handle everything but now I cant. Id much rather keep everything in but people wont let me. They want me to talk about it and maybe I do want to talk about it but I dont WANT help. I just want to talk and cry and just have them hold me and let me cry in their arms instead of trying to fix everything. I just want someone to hold me, because I know they wont understand but just hold me and let me cry. *sigh* anyways I was going to start up a FCA at my school but we already have one so Im going to try and attend if I can find a way home after school and Im trying to get an ROTC program for next year. Crossing my fingers! Well I got tons of homework and online school along with typing an email so Later my lovves! 

American Government - 6.03 Jury Duty

Hey everyone! I have another assignment for Government that I need to blog for :)) so I hope you enjoy.!

So on September 20, 2011 I went to a teen court offered in my community. Teen court is where teenagers that have committed a crime come to be juried by other teens that will hear the case and come to a conclusion on what the punishment should be. We the jury were sworn in at the beginning to try the case equally and fairly. After we sworn in, the defendant would be sworn in and then we would hear what the case was about. We did a grand jury first. The defendant in this petty theft crime pled guilty and admitted to  stealing the items. We as the jury asked the defendant different questions about the crime, why she did it, what she learned, would she do it again, etc etc. After we felt like we asked enough questions that we could come up with a reasonable punishment for the defendant we went back in to the jury room and went through the list of things we could check off for them to do. I said I would be the foreman (The one who writes on the punishment paper and then reads the verdict the the defendant when we rejoined the court.) We went through each punishment and voted for the different things listed. Came up with what we thought was good punishment for the person. We then rejoined the court and I read the verdict aloud to the defendant and the the ones sitting in the court room. After that case was done we moved on the the next case that was a trail case. The defendant was an underage person with a alcoholic beverage in their hand. This case we had other teen training to become attorneys be the defendant attorney and then the state. They presented their opening arguments (which was no evidence) and then we moved into calling the defendant to the stand where both the prosecutor and the defendant attorney questioned the person. After that we moved into the closing arguments (which was also not evidence) after we heard all that was going to be said like we did before we went to the jury room and came up with the best type of punishment the defendant needed to do. This case was harder then the first because there was not enough presented but we did what we could. Again went out and I presented what the jury's verdict was. At that time all the cases were heard and the verdict given to so we were dismissed. It was all very interesting, one harder then the other but it was good. It was also a very nice experience to actually know what a court room feeling feels like and what its like to serve on jury. I enjoyed it very much. The two ways to become a citizen are one being born in the United States or two by naturalization. Both apart of the 14th amendment. Citizenship should not be taken lightly, its a honor to have the rights you do as a citizen. But to have rights there are things the country needs you to do in order to keep the nation going.

So heres my government assignment :))

~10 years ago~

Where was I ten years ago.? I was in my first grade classroom watching PBS kids with my classmates when it was all of a sudden stop and the news interrupted. As us 6 years old watched as the second plane hit the second tower. Then watched as both collapsed and thousands of people died. A day that will be forever engraved into my heart and my mind. The start of a war being declared. And our men and women being deployed one be one. Some never to return others return but get sent back again. One of those men is my uncle. On his second or third tour over, not knowing when he will return but fighting for our country and keeping us safe. A time in history when we all came together to help one another get past this tragic event. Thousands of people died, and thousands were not found but presume dead. My prayers still with those families. Not only was that loved one a victim of a terrorist act But so where you. And not only those but all of as a victim of a horrible act. Ten years later it still hurts but we found and killed the two behind the attacks of 9/11. *RIP 9/11 victims who passed away. Forever in our hearts and minds*

OH and GO CAROLINA!

Oh and Go Carolina Gamecocks! Peak them Dawgz all the way back to the dog house!! :) 

No one seems to understand

Why is it so hard for people to understand? Why is it so difficult for people to see the way I feel? Does anyone even care? I work my butt off for everyone. I put everyone and everything before myself and work my butt off for that person or for that thing and it seems that its just thrown back in my face. Its not my choice to do all this school, I didnt chose to do three extra classes outside and on top of school. Who would want to do Summer Classes and then three extra classes on top of my regular school? I dont think anyone would. Yes I admit I can be an overachiever but I want to be a teenager too! I want to be held accountable for MY actions and my responsibilities not anyone else. I am not responsible for anyone but myself. Until I get married and have childern of my own I am not responsible for any one but me, not my sister, not my brother, not the stranger across the street. No one BUT me.! So why punish me for something my siblings did or did not do. I do everything asked of me. Why cant everyone see that EVERYTHING I do is for everyone else but me.! Yes in the long run everything I am doing for everyone else is gonna help me but dont I matter? Dont my feelings and thoughts matter? No one has to go through everything I go through. Yes they were teenagers once or they are teenagers now but they didnt move multiple times and have their hardwork put done the drain to have to do it all over again. To have to redo all that school because it was erased and to have to remake friends a thousand times, its hard and difficult. More then anyone can imagine or even begin to think of. Whatever difficultly level you think it is and multiple it by ten and then you have the difficulty level. Most tell me they understand but they really dont. They have no idea. Until they actually come and physically live in my position for just a week maybe even less they will never understand. I guess Im just on my own. Have to do ten times as much more work to be good enough. Everyone has all these expectations and I cant seem to meet any of them. Maybe Im not good enough for anyone. What does it matter anymore. Ever since I moved everything has changed. Im going to go back to the person that takes everything in and burry everything and hide it instead of actually talking about it. Ill hide it all until Im by myself and then Ill cry or be mad or whatever else. I dont think anyone I know has ever experienced as much as I have. I know I have it better off then some people like teen moms or teens with an addiction problem but everyone thinks Im like a unsocial person because if Im not at school then I disappear and you cant find or get intouch with me until the next school day. I dont want to be seen as the person that never does anything and just disappears. I actually want to do stuff. I want to go to homecoming, I want to run for homecoming court, I want to go to football games on Fridays or I want to go to the mall or the beach with girlfriends on the weekend or go see my goddaughter or go out somewhere with my boyfriend like the beach or the mall or somewhere, I want to run for prom queen I want to go to prom. I wanted a sweet sixteen but I never got it. I guess Ill just be that unsocial person. Maybe thats what my class will vote me as in the yearbook. Who knows. Theres alot of things I want but I put it all to the side and not do it no matter how bad I want it. Im not a selfish person. *Sigh* Well Im off to go finish my Econ class. I might be back later. Oh yeah I will because I have to tell you all about my History class :) thats interesting. so Ill post again real soon! :)  

Getting Sick And Tired

I am getting SO sick and tired of people complaining and complaining and complaining. "I have to much homework" "I dont like that teaher she makes us do to much work" "This is such a drag" "This is to much stress" "Its to early" "Im to tired" "Im not a good test taker" and blah blah blah Im sure I could go on and on.! I am getting so sick of hearing it. Its HIGHSCHOOL people and we have been in school since 5K you know how it works! So stop complaining and saying its to much stress, because I promise you that until you do what I do EVERYDAY and even on weekends you wont complain again. Until you get up at 5:45 to get dressed and make your lunch and get all your stuff together, ride the bus for 30mins or more and listen to your music but but but the three girls sitting around you talk way louder then your music and go on and on and on about how they have a crush but they cant talk to him because then he'll know or their hair wasnt doing what it wanted or they didnt have enough time to do their make-up or they dont have on matching socks or whatever else then get to school and look at those plain white as white can get walls with the lights that bounce off of them and give you a killer headache for 7 hours then you get back on the bus and listen to the same girls yapp yapp yapp about how he looked at her or whatever THEN get home and come do ANOTHER 7 hours or more of MORE school and staring at a computer screen and including homework then have to make sure dinner is ready and chores are done and everything else and have to do it all over again OH and you do school on the weekends.! Then stop complaining about everything because I dont want to hear it and Im sure other people are tired of hearing the same old Complaining from your mouth! To have to go through moving and all your credits being taken from you and your now a junior and still not everything is caught up is STRESSFUL! No one understands, No one! Just stop complaining and get off your lazy butts and do the work.! Its not that much! 


Many people want highschool to drag out longer because they arent ready to face the real world, well I am ready for highschool to end. Ive had an awful highschool experience, doesnt look to be getting any better, and ready for it all to come to an end! No one stops to care about others they just throw their problems out there. I have put everyone in my life before myself always but when is someone go to stop and put me first at least once and see if Im really okay.? I dont expect it from anyone but it would be alittle nice.. It would be nice.. But I dont expect anything from anyone. I have always and will always put everyone infront of myself. 


Anyways Im out to go do more school. Had an awful day and cant wait for it to end. Peace.