Ever feel like the bad guy??

Do you ever have that feeling like your always the bad guy.? No matter what you do, youll always be the bad guy.? Yea well that's me. The one and only bad guy out there. It seems like nothing I do is right. Nothing I do is good enough. Still on house lockdown until online school is complete. I have no idea what to do anymore. I dont even have a life outside of school, never have. I go to school come home and do more school. And it's alot of stress and hardwork and I'm not doing it because IIIIII want to I'm doing it because/for my parents wanting me too. Seems like I'm constantly fighting with someone and being downgraded all the time. even if I did nothing. Downgraded and fought for a while now and it's crushing my heart every time. Between everything I wouldn't know if my hearts even there anymore because it's been broken into many pieces, unsure if it's able to be put back together. Three people I know and another friend are no longer friends with eachother because of me. Or atleast not talking to the other because of me. The three people were rude and inconsiderate when it came to my friend and I religion and I opened my mouth and said something and it all went up into flames from there even though I shouldnt feel ashamed about my religion and by no means I am NOT ASHAMED I will stand up for my God and my Savior and my Lord 24 hours a day 7 days a week but I feel awful for me opening my mouth tearing four friends since elementary school apart. Maybe its for the better though who knows. God does. Idk, havent been myself lately and I dont know why. Just want to be left alone really, things are hard and talking to people about it seems to make it worse because no one understands what it feels like to be me and everything. I dont know I dont think it matters anymore. I was alone for along time and got use to it, I was never hurt then. I could handle everything but now I cant. Id much rather keep everything in but people wont let me. They want me to talk about it and maybe I do want to talk about it but I dont WANT help. I just want to talk and cry and just have them hold me and let me cry in their arms instead of trying to fix everything. I just want someone to hold me, because I know they wont understand but just hold me and let me cry. *sigh* anyways I was going to start up a FCA at my school but we already have one so Im going to try and attend if I can find a way home after school and Im trying to get an ROTC program for next year. Crossing my fingers! Well I got tons of homework and online school along with typing an email so Later my lovves!